We use terms such as self-confidence, worthiness and self-belief interchangeably, but they are different. Clients will often tell me that they would like to feel more confident, but most of the time the real issue is their perception of their lack of worthiness. One thing I know from my twenty years’ experience as a coach, is that tips for boosting self-confidence don’t work unless underlying issues of worthiness are healed.

The difference between self-confidence and self-worth

Self-worth is the belief that you are enough and worthy of love and belonging just as you are. You don’t have to be, do or create anything. Because you exist, you are inherently worthy. Self Confidence is also an internal trait, but it is based on our assessment of how we compare to the world around us. It’s a feeling of certainty, assuredness, and competence in specific areas of your life. Low self-confidence is the gap between your perception of your skills and your perception of the challenge you face.

Because self-confidence is linked to external things it will fluctuate based on mood, circumstances and comparisons. Self-worth is believing you are enough, loveably and valuably exactly as you are, regardless of what is happening around you.

Do you really want to fake it ‘till you make it?

Self-confidence without self-worth is a house built on rocky foundations. A display of confidence can mask insecurity and look like bravado. Self-confidence without underlying self-worth looks like approval on the outside, but it feels hollow on the inside. It’s the fake in ‘fake it ‘till you make it.’

The game changer

We don’t strive for self-worthiness, we reconnect with what is already inside us. You start by wrapping yourself in a warm blanket of self-compassion and allow the peace and love that resides within you to gently blossom.

The practical way to start is to turn down the volume and tone of our habitual self-criticism. Visualise your innate worthiness as a young child. Self-criticism is scolding that innocent soul, causing them to retreat and hide. And when that inner part of us is hidden, we can never truly shine in the world.

On the days when I’m struggling, I find a little self-encouragement goes a long way. Acknowledge that you are doing your best in the moment. This sentiment will release a sigh, you are giving yourself permission to breathe again.

It is perfectly natural to feel self-conscious when you’re outside your comfort zone. We will question our competency and maybe if we didn’t we’d be complacent or even arrogant. But never forget that who you are at your core remains the same, completely loveable, worthy and valuable. And this cannot be altered by anything outside of you, including other people’s actions and opinions.

A question, maybe an invitation for you to ponder –

What would it be like to go through an entire day based on the assumption that you are completely worthy just as you are?