Self-improvement is a noble pursuit. It helps us to make the most of our life experience. We work to establish habits and routines to enable us achieve our goals and fulfil our dreams. But if we are not careful, we can also set ourselves up on a never-ending quest to ‘fix ourselves’.

Signs you could be addicted to self-improvement

It’s easy to dwell on ‘one day I’ll goals’. A mindset that keeps us striving, but never arriving. If our focus is solely on the future, we can easily discount everything that is working well in our lives in the present. If we are too absorbed in improving our lives, we may forget to live them.

Like many people, I have a tendency to look outside of myself for answers that can only be found on the inside. As I say to my clients, you are the expert on being you. No one outside of you can tell you what’s important for you, or what’s right for you. There will be times when we need a hand to guide us, or reassure us. But what I’ve learned from 20 years in the personal development field is that the more we look outside ourselves, the more we lose trust in our own worth and our own wisdom.

What are you sacrificing?

Time carved out for a wellness routine, or a morning ritual that sets you up for the day is great. Beating yourself up for not getting up at 5am to start the day like a champion doesn’t serve anyone. Buying the books, attending the courses is all well and good, but knowledge is only potential power, you have to apply it. When your self-improvement efforts become weighty habits that make you feel overwhelmed, guilty, or less than worthy, then it’s not self-improvement, it’s self-defeating.

Self-Acceptance

Something that lets me know that I may be out of balance is acknowledging those times when I simply feel tired and therefore need to rest. Or when I’m self-critical and ignoring the evidence and external feedback that would suggest that I’m doing okay. Wanting to improve yourself is no bad thing. However, when all of our efforts are focused on improving our thoughts, behaviours and habits, it’s easy to overlook everything we do well every day. If the message that’s being reinforced for you is that you’re not “enough” apart from this feeling overwhelming and exhausting, it’s quite simply wrong. The truth is you are enough irrespective of whether you pick up a self-help book, attend a personal development course or not. We should never trade happiness for the pursuit of happiness.