In life, our biggest breakthroughs often come not from having new answers, but from asking new questions. As a coach, I’ve seen first-hand how a well-timed and precisely worded question is like a key to a locked door. A great question gives us access rooms of new perspectives and possibilities.
The Role of Questions in Shaping Our Mindset
Questions direct our focus and determine the quality of our thoughts. As the motivational guru Tony Robbins says, “Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” Consciously choosing better questions, is a way to shift from self-doubt to self-belief.
Many of us have the habit of asking ourselves questions such as –
- Why is this happening to me?
- What if I fail?
- What if I’m not good enough?
Not only do we rarely answer these questions, they keep us stuck in a loop of negativity. But what if we turned them around?
The Art of the Turnaround
Reframing our inner dialogue is a powerful tool for self-transformation. Byron Katie’s method, ‘The Work,’ encourages us to challenge our stress-inducing thoughts by considering their opposites. It’s something I’ve been doing myself in recent times and I’ve found it to be profound and even liberating. Here are some examples.
- Instead of mulling over ‘why is this happening to me?’ how about considering ‘what if this is happening for me?’
- Rather than getting stuck on ‘why is this so hard?’ could you, just for a moment wonder -‘what if this is easier than I think?‘
- If we’re afraid of speaking up, reaching out, or putting our work into the world, rather than restricting ourselves with ‘No one will want to hear what I have to say,’ how liberating is the thought – ‘what if people are actually waiting for me to show up?‘
- We’ve all asked ourselves variations of the question ‘what if I’m not good enough?’ Perhaps a more accurate alternative is – ‘what if I’m not recognising my goodness?’
- ‘What if I can’t handle this?‘, could be reframed to ‘what if I am stronger than I think?’
Get the idea? By turning a question on its head, we refresh our thinking, replace fear with curiosity and create space for new ideas. I’ve also found that when I hit upon a reframe, or turnaround that is actually more true, I can feel it in my body. My shoulders relax and my breath releases. We know the adage ‘the Truth will set you free.’ A good question will set you free too.
Expand Your Thinking
Here’s a simple but effective exercise. Challenge yourself to think (just for a moment) the opposite of what you believe. If you think something is impossible, ask: ‘What if it was possible?’ If you feel stuck, ask: ‘What if I already have everything I need to move forward?’ Or ‘what would unstuck be like?‘
Albert Einstein summed it up best: “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”
A Final Thought
Your thoughts shape your reality, but what are thoughts? They are questions and answers in our own heads. The question comes first. So next time you catch yourself stuck in a negative mindset, witness the fear-based, or limiting question that is occupying your mind and turn it around. Give your brain something new to ponder and allow new possibilities to emerge. So, what new questions will you ask yourself today?
If you enjoyed this article you might enjoy my book ‘Soar.’ It has the subtitle ‘Powerful questions to transform your life.’ For many years I’ve collected questions, because as a coach, questions are the tools of my trade. It’s not a book about positive thinking, it’s a book that promotes rational thinking!
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